The Anatomy Of An Analysis Of A Dream

Here I would like to demonstrate the process behind my amazing ability to analyze dreams.
I realize that this might be way over most of your heads, but for those who can grasp it, enjoy...

Here is an actual letter sent to me from an actual person who wanted me to shed some light on their disturbing dream.
(Incidentally, the name on the e-mail has be altered to protect this weirdo.)




From: CannonXXX@aol.com
To: amazing@vanderhawk.com
Subject: analyze my dream please


Dear Amazing VanderHawk:

I was at a wedding reception with a date, who I have never seen in my life...when we sat down to eat I noticed that Ray was there..then I looked around the room and realized that every guy that I have slept with was there too, I started to have a panic attack and my date asked me what was wrong and I asked him if it was some kind of sick joke, and he was confused, then I woke up........if you could help.....thanks




From: amazing@vanderhawk.com
To: CannonXXX@aol.com
Subject: analyze my dream please


Dear CannonXXX:

Thank you for your letter. It is my great pleasure to serve you and to attempt to analyze your sicko dream. However, In order to correctly analyze your dream, I need to know two very important things that you left out of your dream synopsis:

Number 1: Are you male or female?

Number 2: And who the hell is Ray?!

And also, if I deem this dream as worthy, do I have your permission to place it on my website for the entire world to see?

Thank you for your input. Have a nice day.

Sincerely,

The Amazing VanderHawk



From: CannonXXX@aol.com
To: amazing@vanderhawk.com
Subject: analyze my dream please

i'm sorry, i'm a female and yes you have permission to place it on your website for the entire world to see....i'll fix it for you

I was at a wedding reception with a date, who I have never seen in my life..when we sat down to eat I noticed that my husband that i have been seperated from for 4 years and Ray, a guy i dated after me and my husband seperated were there..then I looked around the room and realized that every guy that I have slept with was there too, I started to have a panic attack and my date asked me what was wrong and I asked him if it was some kind of sick joke, and he was confused, then I woke up........i hope this is better for ya.....thanks




From: amazing@vanderhawk.com
To: CannonXXX@aol.com
Subject: analyze my dream please

Dearest CannonXXX:

Thank you for clarifying those important key elements in your sicko dream, CannonXXX. However, in order to fully analyze this dream, I do need to know a couple of other details, if you don't mind.

Number 1: What type of room were you in when you had your panic attack? Was it a large room or a small room? Was the decoration festive or was it reserved? Were there many flower arrangements or was the room sparsely decorated. Were there any candles in the room? What color were the candles? And what aroma did the candles have? Was there a lot of candle wax, indicating that the candles had been burning for a lengthy period. Was the wax drippy or globby?

Number 2: What type of panic attack was it? Did you feel dizzy or faint? Did you have clammy hands? Did you feel weak in the knees? Did have trouble breathing? Did others around you have trouble breathing? Were you self-conscious about feeling this way, or were you unaware of those around you? Did you feel the need to urinate at any time?

Once I know these details, I will be able to give a correct and precise interpretation of this loopy dream of yours.

Thank you and have a nice day!

Sincerely,

The Amazing VanderHawk



From: CannonXXX@aol.com
To: amazing@vanderhawk.com
Subject: analyze my dream please

Hello,.......ok here goes,number 1....... i was in a large room, a banquet hall, the room was more reserved, and it was sparsly decorated, no candles, number 2......i had clammy hands, weak in the knees and i was self conscious about feeling this way.
thanks for all your help.





To: CannonXXX@aol.com
From: amazing@vanderhawk.com
Subject: analyze my dream please


My Dear CannonXXX:

Did you happen to notice whether or not Ray's hands were clammy?

Thanks.

TAV



From : CannonXXX@aol.com
To : amazing@vanderhawk.com
Subject: analyze my dream please

I didn't notice if ray's hands were clammy or not.........thanks




From: amazing@vanderhawk.com
To: CANNONXXX@aol.com
Subject: analyze my dream please


Dear Cannonxxx:

Very well.

I believe I have all of the information I need in order to analyze your dream. Please be patient while I do my best to compile these facts into a coherent explanation......


You probably wouldn't be having these kind of slutty dreams if you weren't sleeping around so much! Sheesh!!!
Thanks and have a nice day!


Sincerely,

The Amazing VanderHawk







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